The first Clash of the Titans starred Lawrence Olivier as a toga-touting Zeus that spoke with a trippingly light, slightly effeminate air. Alongside him was a who's who of classically trained actors who probably spent most of the filming process wondering, "what the Hell is this movie? Why am I in it? Why was it ever made? And how am I getting paid this much money to do it? The special effects in the original Clash of the Titans can only be described as 80's-tastic. Remember how corny the ghosts looked in Ghostbusters, but how it was sort of a jokey kind of bad that worked for the movie? Well, Medusa looks exactly like that in this misguided epic - except that it wasn't meant to be a joke.
But the original Clash of the Titans really is a joke. Literally one of the worst movies of all time - the kind of movie that you would only pull out if you wanted to make fun of how awful it is. Which begs the question, "Why does it get a remake?"
We are approaching a point of critical mass, where one day 51 percent of all movies made will either be a remake, a sequel, a biopic, or based on a book. There is already a stranglehold on the epic genre. The biggest movies currently at the box office are Alice in Wonderland (remake) and Clash of the Titans - but if we look back at the biggest moneymakers in 2009 the trend is clear: Transformers (sequel), Harry Potter (sequel), Twilight (sequel), Star Trek (remake [sort of]), The Blind Side (Based on a true story), Alvin and the Chipmunks (Squeaquel), Sherlock Holmes (based on a book), Ice Age (Sequel), X-men Origins: Wolverine (Sequel).In fact - I never thought I'd do this - I have to take my hat off to Avatar and 2012 for being the sole big-budget movies to use an original script (using the term "original" loosely).
The future is clear - I can see it now. There will be remakes upon remakes upon remakes - can you see it? Are you already imagining the next incarnation of the Rocky series (starring Gerard Butler, I'm sure)? If we reach the critical mass where more movies that come out are sequels and remakes than originals, then Hollywood will start a vicious cycle of consuming itself and then regurgitating itself until it finally is unable to support its own voracious rate of reconsumption, and collapses under its own bloated weight.
Like a dying star.
It's not like I don't understand why this whole sequel/remake/based on/biopic craze happened - I get it that when big money is being thrown around for this movie and that, an executive has to be sure that there is a built in fan base for something before he gives the OK. That means, stuff like Twilight will get the funding because - even if the movie is silly and makes no sense - it is nearly guaranteed not to lose money.
Ok, fine. But that doesn't explain Clash of the Titans. Almost nobody under the age of forty really even knows about the original movie (made in 1981), and those who do know it use it as punchlines to jokes. It stars Lawrence Olivier for God's sake. You know, the stage actor from the black and white version of Hamlet. Yeah, there's some real star power to fuel this epic. It would be like casting Kevin Kline in Troy... hmm... ok that could be pretty entertaining.
But here's my belief: I think it might be possible that Clash of the Titans got a sequel simply because of its title. Admit it, it's a pretty cool title for a movie. Those words, "Clash," "Titans," they have such an epic feel to them. They bring you right into that netherworld where fantasy and reality mix together so harmoniously. Nevermind the fact that in Clash of the Titans there are no Titans. It's all about the title having zazz, putting butts in the seats based purely off how the movie sounds.
There's a Kraken too. If you've seen commercials for the new Titans you probably knew that already. "Release the Kraken" is basically the tagline for the multi-million dollar advertising blitz on the movie. America has a new obsession with Krakens ever since Pirates of the Caribbean 2 came along. I think it has something to do with that weird tentacle porn from Japan, but anyway...If you're looking for this posting to have any sort of coherence or deep meaning, I'm sorry, but you'll be quite disappointed. This is just my version of muttering to myself like a cantankerous old man whose matzoh ball soup was a little too cold. I just don't get why Clash of the Titans gets a remake - it's terrible. Then again, I suppose Troll 2 (even more terrible) is getting a remake as well. So it appears that Bad is en vogue.
Want proof that the original Titans is really that bad? Check out this 8-minute clip from the climax of the movie.
It's sad but true that Hollywood hasn't had an original idea in forever and even more frustrating that shit, like Transformers and Twilight, break all kinds of ticket sales and records simply on popularity alone! Now granted I went to see Transformers because as you know my good schmee, I still have a giant box of Transformers that I can't wait for my nephew to start playing with, so I go to see the movie due to my childhood love. But of course after seeing both films I felt incredibly dirty and disgusted with the crap that is those films
ReplyDeleteAlas I hope that soon there will be a revolution in Hollywood to finally have more orginal ideas be given their do instead of banking on the sure thing to make a quick buck.
-BenitoShady