Dear Deidre

Sorry to post Deidre so late - I'll make sure to post Theatre Thursday late too so the column gets its proper time in the spotlight.

Dear Deidre,

I'm taking a trip this week from my home in Chicago to a university I might attend in the fall, and am feeling very anxious about meeting all of the new people. I always have a hard time remembering names, and even though I've already been accepted into the school, I feel a bit like I'm auditioning for the favor of professors that I might work with in the coming years. Since I've been out of academia for a little while, I worry that my skills are a little rusty and that I might say something dumb or look like I don't know what I'm talking about. But while I want the faculty to be impressed with me, I don't want them to feel like I am trying to brag or one-up them. It's a tight rope to walk.

I'll also be speaking with current students, and am worried that I will act either too distant or too familiar with them, giving a bad impression to people I'll be working closely with in the next few years.

Any friendly words to relieve some of the pressure?

Sincerely,

Shy-town



Dear Shy-town,

I have to admit, I was excited to delve into some witty, sarcastic banter this week, but this topic deserves my utmost seriousness.

Now, I don’t know you personally, of course, but the sheer fact that you are anxious about these things tells me that you are a really genuine and enthusiastic person. Those are the only qualities you will need to succeed in your new environment.

Now, Mr. Shy-town, the admissions people at this university would not have accepted you if they didn’t think you could handle the workload. And, I’m getting the sense that you are into theatre (I’m very intuitive). You would not have been chosen to participate in this program if the professors thought that you were going to be “rusty or say something dumb.” (Just to be clear, it is OK to say dumb things once in awhile. Most of the sentences that come out of my mouth are what I would consider “dumb,” yet I continue to function in my daily life.) Everyone is human, and you can’t expect to be perfect. I guarantee you that the other students, and the professors, are just as nervous as you are.

And remember, the human race is overall a pretty selfish one. We mostly think about ourselves, whether we want to admit it or not. So, while you’re talking to someone else, that person thinking about how he is coming off to you. He could care less if you say something stupid, he just doesn’t want to say something stupid himself. (Kind of like when you have a ginormous zit and you think that everyone else notices. Well, they don’t. They are too focused on their own faces to notice anything different about yours [keep telling yourself that, Diedre…]).

One of the qualities that people tend to overlook and underestimate is niceness. If you are just a really nice person to everyone you meet, you will be on the right track. Think about things before you say them and ask, “Would I want someone to say this to me?” If not, don’t say it. Try to refrain from making a ton of jokes until you get to know everyone a little better. Some people are less easily entertained than others.

Think about the friends that you have now. Have you always been best friends with these people? Probably, not. It takes awhile to develop real, strong bonds with people. But, it DOES happen. People are extremely resilient and adaptable – we find a little clan wherever we go because it is what we need to do to survive.

Lastly, the most important piece of advice I can give you is to just BE YOURSELF. Cliché, I know. But, most of us walk around day to day with some sort of façade – “I’m going to be the funny guy today,” or “I’m going to be the smart kid in this group.” I’m sure you have tons of amazing qualities, and those are inherently ingrained into your personality. They will come out naturally, and everyone will grow to love you just as I’m sure your group of friends that you have now loves you.

Follow the golden rule, Mr. Shy-town (which I’m sure you will have no trouble with.) And remember, you are not alone in this situation; there are other students feeling the exact same thing. It might help to think of yourself as part of a group rather than an individual facing this alone. And, even when you fly to your newfound destination (which, I’m intuiting is a warm and sunny place) remember, you have a family here in Chicago that will always love their Schm… Mr. Shy-town.

Good luck! (but, you won’t really need it)

Deidre