Dear Deidre

Will try for the South Park piece Thursday, and reviews for Kick-Ass and Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance by the end of the week. For now, enjoy Deidre...

Dear Deidre,

I'm a single ready to mingle, but with one big caveat. I've recently decided to relocate at the end of the summer and so will be unable to sustain any kind of long-term relationship. Never one to burn down one-night stands, I usually tend to get to know someone before getting intimate, and it's unlikely I'd find someone new to get to that point with when they know I'll be lamming soon. I'm in a no-man's land, where I can't start something long-term, but am not looking for a one-and-done kind of thing either. I know a few months of abstinence doesn't sound like much to get through, but it's summertime - beautiful people are out in full force, hormones are raging, and I'd like to be able to enjoy this wonderful time of year.

What's a guy to do? Look for a sex buddy? A hooker? Anything?

Sincerely,

Not-a-wham-bam-thank-you-man

Dear Not-a-wham-bam-thank-you-man (at least not yet),

Ah yes, the sun is out and the raging testosterone of young men everywhere is bubbling to its brink. As soon as the female population decides it's warm enough to show some skin, mating season is in full force. I completely understand your frustration. After all, you are only human, and humans are only mammals, and mammals like to breed. Well, maybe not "breed" as in pop out a mini Not-a-wham-bam-thank-you-man, but I get your point.

Now, let's talk about the options you have laid out for yourself. A hooker? Chances are you will feel dirtier than ever after giving in to a night of paid-for sex. A sex buddy? Could work. But, you said yourself that you like to get to know someone first, and you don't want to get into anything too serious. So, unfortunately, you're in a bit of a tricky situation. But, not a completely unfixable one!

Do you absolutely have to get a home run? Is it imperative that you have SEX with someone? Or, would you be able to get your kicks from a less-than "going all the way" hook up? I think it would be much easier if you set your sights on something a bit more attainable for what you are looking for right now. The way I see it, if you don't want a girlfriend, don't want a one night stand, don't want to get attached to anyone, etc. then sex might just not be feasible, and it may actually end up causing you more harm than good. I don't think you would have any trouble catching a make out buddy... or even a first or second base buddy. And certainly attachment wouldn't automatically come into play like it potentially could with sex.

You might just have to realize that this is a very transitional time for you, and transitional times don't make for very good love times. There are only a few more months until you move on to your new destination, and I suggest holding out for someone who might actually be worth it. But, if you absolutely can't keep it in your pants, then at least try to find someone who is 1) clean and 2) is looking for the same non-commitment, non-relationship kind of deal.

Hope this helps!

(Try a cold shower if you absolutely can't control yourself)

Deidre