Dear Deidre

We are expanding.

The High Horse Blog would like to officially welcome contributing column Dear Deidre. We'll hope for a weekly. This will give us a nice break from my political rants and condescending movie reviews. If you have a question for Deidre on any pressing life issue, please e-mail it to deardeidrehighhorse@gmail.com

Stay tuned. A review for Chumscrubber is coming up soon (and spoiler alert: this movie is directly responsible for me losing consciousness).

Enjoy.


Dear Deidre,

I am a 25 year old woman and have been dating the same guy for about a year. Unfortunately, I can’t seem to have an orgasm during sex… I have been close, but can never get there. Is there something wrong with me? Or something wrong with the guy?

Sincerely,

Getting frustrated, not off.

Dear Getting Frustrated, Not Off,

This is a totally normal and common issue among young women. According to WebMD's sexpert Louanne Cole Weston, PhD*, 10% of women had never had any type of orgasm – either by flying solo or with a partner. (And I suspect that number would be higher if women were not so afraid of acknowledging their inability to ‘get off’). So, you’re certainly not alone in your concern.

But, don’t let that number discourage you; there is hope! As a perfectly healthy young woman, you are completely capable of experiencing an orgasm during sexual intercourse with your partner.

First things first, make sure that you are comfortable with your bedmate. He should be a person you feel 100% confident with even when you’re sweaty and naked. And trust me, if you’re sweaty and naked, he’ll like you no matter what you look like.

Second, don’t try so hard – don’t focus so much on trying to get the orgasm. Enjoy the feelings while they happen. Revel in the kisses and really feel each touch. When you’re truly living in the moment and can feel how sensual sex really is, it is much easier to get turned on.

Last but not least, it may just take a little time. Practice makes perfect! Go buy yourself a nice, little (well, maybe not little) dildo and explore yourself. Try different things and see what gets you going. Then, when you’re with your guy, try and position yourself so that you can get that same feeling you did with your new toy. Or ask your partner to try a different position – guys are pleasantly surprised when their girl wants to be adventurous in bed. Sometimes a new position puts pressure on a different area and can get the senses going.

So, bottom line – there is NOTHING wrong with you and nothing wrong with your guy (unless he’s having some sort of physical malfunction which is a whole different issue). It has nothing to do with your attraction for each other; it’s just one of those things that happens when it happens. And it will.

*check out this article, it may be of some help to you

http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/guide/cant-orgasm-heres-help-for-women

Best of luck,

Deidre